God's Providence, Part 3; Happy Birthday

For the past five years, when the seventeenth of September rolls around, I think of my sister, Katherine. It's always a strange day. Half of me wants to rejoice, while half of me wants to sit down and cry.

God took Katherine to be with Him when she was only six weeks old. I rejoice that she is able to rest with him. I'm happy that her heart, that used to be weak, is no longer causing her problems. I'm overjoyed that I'll be able to see her again someday.

I'm sad that I can't see her now. I'm angry that I can't celebrate her birthday with her. I'm upset that I never got to hold her. Never got to play with her. Never got to have a conversation with her. Never got to buy her a present. Never got to take her on a walk. Never got to get her dressed, or do her hair, or teach her to sing the alphabet.

Nine months of my life, I couldn't have been happier. I was anticipating the only thing I had ever really wanted: A little sister. Five years of my life, I couldn't have been more confused. Why did God take my little sister from my arms when He knew how much I wanted her?

I may never know why. But I know He had a purpose. Whatever it is, I trust Him.

I was looking through some old songs yesterday, when I found the first one I had ever written:

"I Will Never Forget You"

Now you were only six weeks old
When our good Lord took you from us
And we wept and we cried
And we struggled and tried

But it was wonderful news for me
When I heard that you were going to be born
I finally wouldn’t be the baby in the family
But then you became sick, and if felt like I was torn

Chorus

Oh how I wish that you were here,
Right here, right by my side
I’d waited so long to have

You in my life, and my dream
Almost came true
But I had to miss you

Oh my wonderful little sister,
I will never forget you

Sometimes I wonder what
Our life would have been like
With you around

I know it would have been awesome
Even thought it already is
But we’d have one more bundle of joy

Chorus

Now you know how much I miss you
And how much I want you here
It’s my only dream to have you with me

Chorus x2


Lucy by Skillet

Hey Katherine, I remember your name
I left a dozen roses on your grave today
I'm in the grass on my knees, wipe the leaves away
I just came to talk for a while
I got some things I need to say

Chorus
Now that it's over
I just wanna hold her
I'd give up all the world to see that little piece of heaven looking
back at me
Now that it's over
I just wanna hold her
I've gotta live with the choices I made
And I can't live with myself today


Hey Katherine, I remembered your birthday
They said it'd bring some closure to say your name
I know I'd do it all different if I had the chance
But all I got are these roses to give
And they can't help me make amends


Here we are
Now you're in my arms
I never wanted anything so bad
Here we are
For a brand new start
Living the life that we could've had


Me and Katherine walking hand in hand
Me and Katherine never wanna end
Just another moment in your eyes
I'll see you in another life
In heaven where we never say goodbye


Here we are, now you're in my arms
Here we are for a brand new start
Got to live with the choices I’ve made
And I can’t live with myself today

Me and Katherine walking hand in hand
Me and Katherine never wanna end
Got to live with the choices I’ve made
And I can’t live with myself today

Hey Katherine, I remember your name

["Katherine's" substituted for "Katherine's"]

And another song of my own directed toward my sister- "She's Off to Heaven"

My face grew dark as
You lay there, asleep
A baby, so very young
So little you couldn’t speak

I shed a tear at the thought
That you would soon be
Away from me, away from me
But one thought kept me going

Chorus
She’s off to Heaven
The place where Jesus reigns
Where sadness is unheard of
Somewhere she’ll feel no pain

I’m sure we’ll miss her greatly
While she’s away from us
But before too long we’ll be joining her
In that place, so glorious

She’s off to Heaven
(end chorus)

The thought still saddened me
But I kept a strong face
I smiled weakly at the people around me
And I granted them grace

I kept my sadness inside
But my remorse didn’t go short
And I prayed to God
The one thing that gives me comfort

Bridge:

I know you're with Him now
And I'll see you again someday
And from this path of righteousness
I'm not ever going away

Chorus x2

I miss Katherine. I still wonder what I would be doing now if she was still alive. But I trust in God's providence; His reasoning for taking her Home. And I cannot wait until that lovely day on which I see her again.

Hey Katherine, I remembered your birthday…