&& Five years ago today...

Sometimes... It's hard to remember that God knows what He's doing...

You are the author of knowledge
You can redeem what's been done
You hold the present and all that's to come
Until your everlasting kingdom

Lord, I don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead me to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt

You are the God of tomorrow
Turning the darkness to dawn
Lifting the hopeless with hope to go on
You are the rock of all salvation

Lord, I don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead me to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt

Oh, Lord, you are the author
Redeeming what's been done
You hold us in the present
And all that is to come

Lord, we don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead us to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt

But I know that He does.

And He knew what He was doing when He took my sister from me, five years ago today.

When I can't see, I will trust You
And when I get weak, I trust You
And when I just can't let it go
I trust that You are in control

I trust that He knows what He's doing... No matter how hard it is.

But how come I doubt Him so much? Why do I always fall off of the road?

When I feel the pain I know why I feel strange
When I hear the rooster crow I am ashamed

Jesus on the cross and this cross upon my back
I have learned to submit then I whine about my lack

Sometimes I drop my cross, deserve a little rest
That's when I run to You and I nail your feet and Your wrists

I'm feeling underooted feeling undermined
Can this grace of God cover me this time?

Yes, it can. God will always love me, even when I doubt Him.

He always forgives me.

Now I'm in our secret place
Alone in Your embrace
Where all my wrongs have been erased
You have forgiven

All the promises and lies
All the times I compromised
All the times You were denied
You have forgiven

And I know that no matter what I may face, God is my steady rock that will not waver.

I can stand on Him forever.

Stay, locked within Your presence
Truth, renew in my mind again
Rest, 'cause I know You're faithful and I
Trust, 'cause I know Your name

You are the One Real Thing
You are the One True Thing that I know
You are the One Real Thing
No matter what the future brings
You're the One Real Thing

I get down on my knees and I
Feel Your love wash over me

Losing my sister was the hardest thing I ever experienced. I almost lost hope.

Almost...

Far beyond what I can see or comprehend
Etching Your eternity in me
Nations stream and angels sing, "Jesus reigns"
And every knee bows down
You're the hope of all the Earth

You are my hope
You are my strength
You're everything
Everything I need
You are my hope
You are my life
You are my hope
You are my hope

I can feel His arms wrap around me every time I start to fall.

And I can lie on His chest when I'm exhausted...

And I rest in the shelter of Your love
And I rest in the wonder of Your Grace
And I rest in the shelter of Your love
And I rest in the wonder of You

I don't have to worry about Him leaving me.

He is always faithful.

You have been more faithful than the morning sun
You have been more faithful than knowing the night will come
You have been more faithful than the changing of seasons

All things I thought that I used to know
Are falling down again


Thank you, God, for bringing me through trial and peace alike.

I miss my sister. But I'll see her in another life, in Heaven, where we never say goodbye.