Hope in Love

After the summer of 2009, I posted a long note, listing 100 little things I had learned over the past few months. And although that summer was a lot of fun, and undoubtedly the best one I've ever had, there wasn't a whole lot of substantive lessons I had gained. This year was very different. Instead of simply fun, happy weeks, I had a lot of serious talks, had to put a lot of pieces back together, spent sometime breaking, spent some time healing, hurt and lived, fell and hoped. I discovered a lot about who I am this summer. But overall, there was one main, profound thing that I learned. And it was life-changing.

I learned that I am worthless.

I spent the third week of June at Worldview Academy, known as WVA. Worldview is a Christian leadership camp. We listened to a lot of lectures, got to practice leadership skills, communed with our small groups, learned to have a daily quiet time, prayed, talked, laughed, got serious at times, and even went face-to-face evangelizing. It was an amazing five days altogether, and I grew a lot every day. But the most pivotal point of the week was Thursday night, during the last lecture of camp.

The lecture was entitled "Seven Sweet Lies you Already Believe." The speaker chose seven, stereotypical sayings we hear every day. "Believe in yourself," "Listen to the heart," "It's my life." Etcetera. He spoke about them all, showing how they're all false. Just feel-good sayings that we use to gain some sort of confidence in ourselves. But they're so superficial and untrue. I smiled and nodded at six of them, understanding what the speaker was saying, and agreeing with everything. But it was the third lie that caught my ear, hit me hard, and completely changed my life.

"Love yourself."

I make a lot of posts about how culture and media teach us to hate our bodies. But they also tell us over and over to love ourselves. To accept ourselves. That we should recognize our goodness. That to love others, we must love ourselves first. That we're worth everything and should set ourselves on a mountain above everyone else. We're taught to be self-centered beings.

The reality?

We are worthless. So worthless. There is nothing about us that deserves love. Nothing that should be appreciated or wanted. Nothing that makes one person better than the other. Nothing about me is worthy of the love that I have received. The overpowering salvation placed upon me. The eternal life that I have to look forward to. I am a depraved being who spat in God's face, cursed His name, and ridiculed His works. I, a lowly human, stood up and thought I could live without my Maker in my life. I was so wrong. There's nothing about me worth loving. But guess what? I am loved just the same.

Romans 3: 23-24 reminds us, "23for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus."

ALL. Every single one of us has sinned. We're all, in the simplest of terms, losers that have no place in the presence of an almighty God. But He has welcomed us into His home. He has opened His arms and let us, his children, run into them. He allows us to call him Father. And He has saved His chosen people.

Jesus Christ looked me in the eyes. He felt my lashes. He heard my mocking words. He let me beat Him down. He watched me betray Him. And He wrapped His arms around me and held me back. Me, a fully ungodly girl, made righteous through the blood of Christ.

"6You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 7Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. 8But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5: 6-8

True love is not conditional. It is not deserved. It is not reasonable or comprehendable. True love is amazing. It is far beyond anything that we can imagine. It saved my life. It is a gift. A wonderful, glistening treasure. Something to be savored forever.

If Jesus could allow His body to be nailed to wood out of love for our despicable souls, how come we can't show the same love? How come we can't set ourselves aside for one second and reach out to others? How come we're so focused on trying to find closure in ourselves that we forget to take our eyes off of an unachievable goal and show our own love for everyone around us?

It's a two-fold lesson. Nothing about us is worthy of love. Therefore, we must touch the hearts of the non-worthy people around us and love them anyways. The main point? It's not about me. It's about God. And it's about the mission He has called me to carry out. To be His living servant. To love the people around me. To forget about attempting to discover a reason to live--because I don't have one, in and of myself. The only basis I have for life, for breathing, for even having a voice? It's not my own. It's given to me by the one perfect Savior who loved me, despite my completely flawed self.

At Worldview Academy, 2010, I learned a very important lesson: I have lived the past six years believing a lie of what love is. It's not a standard. It's not something you have to earn. It's not something you have to work to maintain. It is a gift granted to us by a gracious and Heavenly Father who has no incentive to give it to us. My life was changed during that lecture. I am working to no longer live to love myself, but to love others how Christ loves me.

Unconditionally, irrevocably, and constantly.

I am worthless. But I am loved.