A Piece of My Heart [my most treasured item]

As most people know, I don't grow attached to things very quickly. I don't really like things. I'm usually throwing them away because I hate seeing disorganized clutter all around my room. But if something holds a significant spot in my heart because of the event it was correlated with, I can be possessive.



I'll never forget the day my mom tried to throw this away. [She's the person I inherited my hatred of clutter from.] She didn't know what it was and saw it for what it honestly is: a dirty old piece of trash. But obviously, it is far more than that to me, else it wouldn't be my most treasured item.

This little cradle sat on top of the cake for my little sister's baby shower. Anyone who's read much of my blog knows the story of my sister--she passed away as a baby. And this cradle isn't just a sentimental attachment to my past life or my desperate attempt to reach the baby I wanted to hold so badly. It's a lot more than that because my sister was a lot more than that to me.

It is the symbolism that my baby Katherine is safe right now. She's not just cuddled up in warm blankets--she's in God's arms. And as much as I tried and wanted to protect her, He has every power at His fingertips while I could do nothing.

It is the knowledge that her passing was fulfilling God's will, no matter what that is and no matter how much I hate it.

It is a reminder of the time we went through, before her birth, during her short life, and after her death. The way my family broke and grew. The way the entire year shaped us.

It is the fact that not only Bakke lives were changed due to my sister's death--people around the world, some of whom we didn't even know, followed and were touched by this long and admittedly tragic story.

It is a smile as I remember the care packages, flowers, prayers, cards, meals, notes, hugs, and soft smiles we got after she died from the many people who truly, deeply cared about our loss.

And it is hope that even though we endured one of the most seemingly disgusting fates of humanity--the death of a nearly innocent little baby--there was a reason, and it was good, and my trust lies in God, not my own sorrows and desires.

Every time I hold it, I remember Katherine. And I remember that hope did not die with her mortal life.