An Appalling Attitude

Finally… After two long, tiring days, they were finally going to announce the breaks. I cheered for the Expository breakers, screamed for the people in my club who made it to Extemporaneous out-rounds, and yelled for my friends who passed in Impromptu speaking. Finally, it was time for Open Interpretation breaks. I listened intently as the announcer started saying the names of the people in my club who broke… And only was a little bit disappointed when I didn't hear my name. I didn't expect to break in that, anyway. Then it was time for Duo Interpretations… Once again, I didn't hear my name, but I was able to scream for my club members who made it. And then… Humorous Interpretations. The one event that I thought I had a chance of breaking in. The one that I really wanted to break in.

"And from Veritas…" I could barely even hear the announcer when he announced one of my friend's names. My heart sunk, but I ran off to go congratulate all my club members.

A few hours later, it was time for more breaks. My friends Peter, Jonothan and I made our way over to the steps where we could hear. Now I would know whether or not I had broken in Novice Impromptu or not. After hearing three people breaking in it, the announcer said…

"And from Veritas… Erin-" I screamed at the top of my lungs for her- "Nathan and Matthew"- this was followed by many cheers from my team- "Hannah"- more yells for her, "And… Peter!" I was so excited, I barely even paid attention to the fact that I hadn't broken. I looked beside myself to see Peter staring out with wide eyes. "YES!" He yelled, as he punched the air.

"Oh my gosh, you broke!" I squeaked, barely able to find my voice.

"I know! I gotta go run and get my suit jacket…" Obviously he hadn't been expecting to break…

At eight that night, it was time for the awards ceremony. Now we would know how everyone ranked. As I heard everyone that had broken in Novice Impromptu called up onto the stage, a sharp pain struck through me. I was so proud of my team members, but it hurt not to be up there with them. I tried not to show it, though, and I grinned up at their anticipating faces. They all did very well, and ranked high. It was so exciting to watch them recieve their medals with grins on their faces. Jealousy was the only thing that ruined hte night for me.

Driving home that night at 11 PM, with me in the back seat, having given up trying to read my ballots in the dark, I laid my head on the windowsill, thinking. Surprisingly, I felt tears starting to roll down my cheeks. I don't cry very often, and I couldn't exactly figure out why I was doing it now. But as I thought about the fact that so much of my club had broken, and I had done ditto, I started crying even harder. I didn't let my mom or brother see it, because I was so embarrassed that I was acting like such a jerk. So yeah, maybe I hadn't broken, but this was my FIRST tournament! And look at how much of my club had done! Well that didn't help… Thinking about their accomplishments just made me feel worse. I couldn't understand why I felt so horrible. I'm sure some of it had to do with exhaustion, and post-tournament depression, but I forced myself to stop crying. When I got home that night, and was reading my ballots, the tears came back. I had dragged my Duo partner down, had ranked fifth and below with all my Humorous rooms, and hadn't done very well at all with my Open. As I looked at my Impromptu ballots, I realized with absolute shock that I had ranked first on one of them, and third on another. I almost killed myself for ranking fifth and below on my last. If I had ranked third or higher, than I would have made it to finals. I pressed the tears back and put my ballots away before they came.

All that hard work had gone to waste. Getting four hours of sleep a night had done nothing for me. I had worked for hours upon end on my speeches, and I hadn't broken on anything. I completely ignored the fact that I was being a selfish brat, and I silently hated myself. And maybe a slight twinge of distaste to the judges…

And now, as I sit in front of my computer writing this, I'm absolutely ashamed at my behavior last night. And I think I owe some apologies.

To my mom and brother- I'm so sorry for treating you guys rudely because of my anger.

To my coach and judges- I'm extremely sorry that I had any hard feelings against you.

And especially to my club mates- Please forgive me for any jealousy towards you. After seeing your Speeches, I know why I didn't break, and why you guys did. You're all absolutely amazing, and I really hope to be half as good as you guys one day.

Congratulations. You WILL go to Nationals!