Hope in Death

If you haven't heard the song "Lucy" by Skillet, and you have gone through the loss of someone dear to you, I suggest you go listen to it. Right now.

Anyway, this is probably my second (if not first) favorite song ever, and I couldn't resist from doing a full telling of how it relates in my life.

Now, in certain posts I've made, I've quoted this song. A lot. It has gorgeous lyrics- I can't help myself. But I've never done one of my line-by-lines on it. So here you go.

Hey Lucy, I remember your name

Honestly, I can stop right there. Almost every time I quote this song, advertently or not, I will replace "Lucy" for "Katherine." The name of my sister. I can't hear the word "Katherine" without thinking of her. Remembering her.

I left a dozen roses on your grave today

I'm in the grass, on my knees, wipe the leaves away

I've never been able to literally do this since my sister was cremated. But I'd say I've done it physically by simply thinking about her. I've mentally done it. It will have to do.

I just came to talk for a while

Got some things I need to say

So often, more than anything, I just wish I could talk to her.

Now that it's over

I just wanna hold her

Something I never got to do: hold my sister. I was hardly even able to touch Katherine until she was dead. She was covered in wires and cords, and was so wrapped in bed that we could barely see her.

I'd give up all the world to see

That little piece of heaven looking back at me

I think this is self-explanatory. More than anything, we just want to see the dear people who have been taken away from us.

Now that it's over

I just wanna hold her

I've gotta live with the choices I made

And I can't live with myself today

This last bit applies in so many ways. Whenever something goes wrong, I automatically feel like I was the cause. And I always feel like I could have done better. Maybe, with less complaining, I would have been able to see my sister more. Maybe, if I had more mature, it would have been easier to stay at the hospital longer. And maybe, just maybe, if I prayed harder, she would have lived.

Thoughts like this can often be irrational. But you still feel guilt, even though you know you shouldn't.

Hey Lucy, I remembered your birthday

September 17th is Katherine's birthday. It's also one of the most difficult, memorable days of the year.

They said it'd bring some closure to say your name

"They" hardly ever know the right thing to do. But sometimes, it really can help to just... say their name...

I know I'd do it all different if I had the chance

This ties into the last part of the chorus. We all want to change what we've done... But we can't.

But all I got are these roses to give

And they can't help me make amends

All we can offer to the people that are dead are roses on their graves. But the can't fix the wrongs we've done; the hurts we've committed.

Now that it's over

I just wanna hold her

I'd give up all the world to see

That little piece of heaven looking back at me

Now that it's over

I just wanna hold her

I've gotta live with the choices I made

And I can't live with myself today

Here we are, now you're in my arms

I never wanted anything so bad

And here, I enter into a dream. A wonderful, beautiful dream where I have her back, right with me.

Here we are, for a brand new start

Living the life that we could've had

And I can fix everything. I can do what I should have done in the first place. I can make amends.

Me and Lucy walking hand in hand

Me and Lucy never wanna end

In my dream, Katherine never leaves me.

Just another moment in your eyes

But in real life, she has.

I'll see you in another life

In Heaven, where we never say goodbye

Do I have to worry about this? No. I know that, someday, I will see her again. In Heaven. And there, I won't ever have to say "goodbye." Because we'll be there together- forever.

Now that it's over

I just wanna hold her

I'd give up all the world to see

That little piece of heaven looking back at me

Now that it's over

I just wanna hold her

I've gotta live with the choices I made

And I can't live with myself today

I miss her. I'm still sad about the things I've done wrong.

Here we are, now you're in my arms

I never wanted anything so bad

Here we are, for a brand new start

Living the life that we could've had

Me and Lucy walking hand in hand

Me and Lucy never wanna end

Just another moment in your eyes

I'll see you in another life

In Heaven, where we never say goodbye

So I live in my dreams, just waiting for the day when I'll see her again.

Hey Lucy, I remember your name

We never forget the ones we love.

Now this might sound like a really, really depressing song. It might even seem like a depressing post. But it's not for me. Because I have hope. I know that I will see Katherine in Heaven someday. I don't have to mourn because I know that death by separation is only temporary Christians.

I've said it before- I'm not a happy, always smiling, never sad person. I have a share of sorrows. But it never sticks. I have hope. And I can't imagine how people who aren't Christians feel when they lose someone close to me. It must be really tough. They don't have hope.

Anyway, this was kind of a personal rant. Maybe it provided you with hope. I think I might try to post fairly frequently with some sort of hope messages. We'll see.

Hey Katherine, I remember your name