Random Musings [Part 2]

Two posts in a row... That's not very common coming from me, but I just feel like I have something to say tonight.

Once again, I'm not sure what it is.

Right now, I'm in that strange mood where once second I'm incredibly happy, and the next, I feel beyond pessimistic. It's rather irritating. Perhaps the sugar high I get every Christmas. Either way, I feel odd right now, so if this post is completely weird, I apologize.

For Christmas, my parents got me this big, canvas map of France that has ribbon on it to tuck stuff in. Kind of like a bulletin board. I stuck pictures in, but that didn't quite work for me. So I began to print out writing quotes I found in my new Writing a Novel book. I still wasn't satisfied. So I opened up MS Word and began searching for all the lyrics I have saved on my computer.

Some of the songs I picked out just all of a sudden touched me a lot. I'm still narrowing them down, but I thought I'd share them all... Maybe someone reading will catch something from one. Who knows?

After all this has passed, I still will remain
After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today,
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain
["Beauty From Pain"- Superchick]

Now I'm in our secret place
Alone in Your embrace
Where all my wrongs have been erased
You have forgiven

All the promises and lies
All the times I compromise
All the times You were denied
You have forgiven
["Forgiven"- Skillet]

One tear in the dropping rain,
One voice in the sea of pain
Could the Maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?

One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Won't You come close and hold my heart?
["Hold my Heart"- Tenth Avenue North]

How deep the Father's love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One
Bring many sons to glory
["How Deep The Father's Love For Us"- Skillet]

You fall to your knees
You beg, you plead
"Can I be somebody else
For all the times I hate myself?"
Your failures devour your heart
In every hour, you're drowning
In your imperfection
["Imperfection"- Skillet]

Dear loved one
Please listen
This might be the last chance I get
I'm sorry I left you
I'm living in a world of regret

Don't cry if you can hear me
I never meant to hurt you dearly
I'm so wrong sincerely
Don't stop taking life seriously
["Last Words"- Thousand Foot Krutch]

On the rise, teen suicide, when we will realize
We've been desensitized by the lies of the world?
We're oppressed and impressed by the greedy
Whose hands squeeze the life out of the needy
When will we learn that wars, threats, and regrets
Are the cause and effect of living in fear?

Who can help protect the innocence of our children
Stolen on the internet with images they can't forget?
We want it we want
We want a reason to live
We represent a generation that wants to turn back a nation
To let love be our light and salvation
We need it, we need
We need more than this
["Looking for Angels"- Skillet]

Love is here
Love is now
Love is pouring from his Hands, from His brows.
Love is near, it satisfies.
Streams of mercy flowing from His side.
'Cause love is here
["Love is Here"- Tenth Avenue North]

Hey Lucy, I remember your name
I left a dozen roses on your grave today
I'm in the grass on my knees, wipe the leaves away
I just came to talk for a while
I got some things I need to say

'I'll see you in another life
In heaven where we never say goodbye'
["Lucy"- Skillet]

You have been more faithful than the morning sun
You have been more faithful than knowing the night will come
You have been more faithful than the changing of seasons

["More Faithful"- Skillet]

Do you know what it's like when
You're scared to see yourself?
Do you know what it's like when
You wish you were someone else
Who didn't need your help to get by?
Do you know what it's like
To wanna surrender?

I don't wanna feel like this tomorrow
I don't wanna live like this today
Make me feel better
I wanna feel better
Stay with me here
And never surrender
["Never Surrender"- Skillet]

You could never stop this feelin' I've got inside of me
You could never fill these shoes
'Cause I refuse to lose
I'm just ordinary me
["Ordinary"- Thousand Foot Krutch]

And I rest in the shelter of Your love
And I rest in the wonder of Your Grace
And I rest in the shelter of Your love
And I rest in the wonder of You
["Rest"- Skillet]

My comfort, my shelter
Tower of refuge and strength
So let every breath and all that I am
Never cease to worship You
["Shout to The Lord"- Skillet]

This is You are my hope
You are my strength
You're everything
Everything I need
You are my hope
You are my life
You are my hope
["You Are My Hope"- Skillet]

And you know... Every single one of these bits of lyrics just reminded me how absolutely and incredibly amazing God is. I know, I say that and things of the sort a lot. I'm sure I begin to sound like a broken record. But it's so true!

God has brought me a lot of trials this year. And I'm sure that He's presented you with many as well. He has also brought me deliverance from all of them.

Most often, when I am faced with something difficult, I try to take on it myself. I think I can accomplish and fix everything on my own. But lately, I've really been learning to give it all over to God. I just can't do it all on my own. And that is why He has promised to be with me through it all. To always be by my side. To never leave nor forsake me.

A pretty amazing, breathtaking promise, isn't it?

My worst struggles are internal. There are plenty of mental problems that I don't share with anyone- for the simple reason that other humans really can't help me that much with certain things. But God can. And He has been. And that is why I am a much happier person today than I was two years ago.

It's not like I'm your ever-cheerful, never-stop-smiling, happy-go-lucky little girl... But I am. I cry. I struggle. Sometimes, I just want to lock myself in my room, sit, and think. At times, I'm so cynical my family won't even come near me.

But in the end, I'm happy. I have the greatest gift- the greatest promise- of all time. I can't boast about it. I don't deserve it in the slightest. But I can tell you how stinkin' much I love God. If you've read this entire post- and my whole blog at that- it's probably apparent.

So, as you can see, I really have nothing comprehensible to say.

Oh well.

Come and fear the Lord
And quake at His mights
Come and bow your knee
And lift His banner higher